4 years
another year and i still dread this day. my mind is full of memories and moments that can take me
right back to 4 years ago today. on one hand it feels like yesterday. on the other it feels like 20 years since i kissed my mom. the more time that goes by the more i realize how much i need her. the stupid things you don't think of when you call your mom without thinking twice about...i ran out of oil...what can i use instead? or it's just the random..guess who i saw? or... tell me the truth questions...should i get my hair cut short? or it's the big omgosh mom guess what...i'm pregnant!! mom...you should see mayson dance...mom....you should see max make a mess...mom...you should see miles crawl and his two goofy lower teeth.
it's those moments that kick me in the stomach and even after 4 years the pain is not any better.
but it's then that i am reminded of my incredible husband and my amazing friends.
the phone calls, the texts, the emails, the cards that i receive on this day and other days is what keeps me
from loosing my mind.
a hospice nurse told me that the best gift i can give my mom is to keep her memory alive. when you
see something that reminds you of your mom, say it out load. tell the story so people will learn about her and you will remember her by saying it out loud. i do this with my kids. every time i see a ladybug i think of my mom. same with a rainbow. same with a jet stream.same with a daffodil.
the best phone calls, pictures i receive are ones saying how they just saw a ladybug and thought of my mom. or i just thought of your mom because of...it makes me happy that she is not forgotten with them either.
this year i can say it's not much easier then the 3 before. i cry for her everyday. sometimes a song fills my eyes, seeing a mom and daughter together will get me, or sometimes its a full blown break down. thank god those are not often. i learned no matter how hard i cry it doesn't change our story. and then i end up with a headache. i rarely go there.
this year on my mom's passing anniversary i'm thankful for my husband and my friends.
if i didn't have them i don't know where i would be. remembering my mom with me is the greatest gift to both of us. so thank you. thank you so much for all your kind words, tears we cry together and laughs. you make me ok with my situation and you keep my mom's memory alive.
you know who you are and i'm grateful for each and everyone of you. and i know my mom is too.
me and my mmm's brought balloons and cupcakes to grandma's tree.
we all wrote a litte something to grandma on our red balloons.
then we sent them up to her all at the same time.
for the record...i'm not a debbie downer.
i just think it's important to tell people you love them and tell them thank you.
i'm one of the lucky people. i'm lucky to have an amazing mom. i'm lucky to have matt. and i'm lucky to have amazing friends.
but with all that said...i still want to say FU CANCER!
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